This is beyond cordial. I do NOT understand why family does not support family and you and your feelings should be the priority, not your ex. Its so I can be happy myself. Hes not interested in me because of his new life, and I dont really talk to him anymore. Unfortunately you realize no one has integrity, I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Robinsonbuckler (@) y ah oo . I am a very private person. I cant understand how his wife goes along with this, but its always his way. my cousin went through similar divorce to me. You can choose what you do, but not what they do. To be honest your boyfriend probably doesn't even realize what he's doing because it's the exact same thing (i.e. They were with each other for 5 years. Im sorry. Please remember that none of these options have to be forever. I to am in the same struggle. My heart is broken and I cry a lot. They have parties not including us or my daughter but invite both our exes, had Christmas last year, our first ever apart, with my ex! My own very sick mother suggested to my ex that he call me to let me know he was there so there was no confusion. Looking back now I almost wished I had stuck in there and waited for him to slip up but I was so traumatised and felt so hugely betrayed and had already fled to be as far as possible from my ex. But because hes the type of man to avoid the problem rather than deal with it, he hasnt actually done anything about the way its making us feel. few weeks ago when i was discussing with a friend about what am going through in the family he advise me to reach out to dr peter (peterwiseherbalcenter AT gmail. I agree with you, its hard to see the world as a good place when going through something like this. You say you love them but could it be trauma bonds? To my surprise, when I needed my family, they were not there for me but for him! ", My sister invited him over to her house and they all played happy families for quite a while until he went over to Thailand. Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. My exs personality disorder really spun me for a loop so I saw a therapist and covering this with the therapist they indicated it really shouldnt be a problem if the family thinks I am good and invites me and I think the same of them and accept then so be it its their choice, its my choice. Stupid people are people who talk about things that they really dont know anything about, they Dont know about It by the way a formal education and they dont know anything about it by way of experience. The more you keep them away from your family, the more you are actually hurting the children. If you didnt have children, then thats different. It depresses me severely now that my children also participate in this process though we have great relations outside of this issueunless I bring it up. I tried to get them to have a relationship with him. I have never told her how i feel and Im not sure it would even matter to her since she has stabbed me in my back most of my life! I dated an African American man and they lied as a team to try and Control me and have me involuntarily committed to a mental hospital for dating out of the family race . She needs to find out why she still holds such resentment about him. Granted I had an affair which was a bad thing but now my sister and my ex have gotten very close to the point she hides things from me regarding who is taking care of my mom who we just found out has widespread cancer. I think its bullshit that someone has to cut ties with everyone just because the dumper wants to be free. Everything I went through being married to him, was not wasted. You should not have to put up with this and they dont deserve you in their lives. I have since found out that my ex forged legal documents when we first moved in together so if we split before marriage I wouldnt have had anything. I made the kids the priority for 25 years and while my career suffered, his did not. Its been almost a decade since my divorce and my ex will be with our 4 grown (all in their 20s now) kids for Thanksgiving. My ex was in all family functions, where I will bump into him there, though we did not part amicably, I tried to be civil in his presence. Is that normal with your boyfriend and his ex wife still go hang out with his ex wife. My son keeps a very casual relationship with him but has no respect for him now that he is older and sees him for what he is. Sorry, but he became my husbands BF during those 18 years and now we are suppose to kick him out of our lives because she feels guilty being around him?? Of stress and expectation of loyalty. She had been like a daughter to me. I was in a 20 year verbally / emotionally abusive marriage. There is no way any of us would have turned my back on her just because they were divorced. It is nowhere near the extent of what you went through but I do think it is a show of disrespect on their part and to be blunt, it is selfish. Sounds like you need to forgive, get some healing, and move forward with the life you have been called into. In such cases there is no need to force others to divorce their associations if their relationships were good. Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. You presumably made the decision? Thats wrong on your familys part. When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! They may feel as though they are just being nice and that everyone should try and get along, but its also true that nothing new can evolve if something old is not allowed to die. How he kept my things and was basically very mean to me during the divorce process. Counseling? Those are the consequences of allowing someone you knew had flaws into your family space. my parents knew he was abusive, they saw me leave him and turn my life around while he was in and out of jail. He often interrupts private conversations for stupid reasons and his wife always seems to be a part of whatever I am doing/talking to my kids about. And not just my mother but my aunt, grandmother, and my brother. He reached out to my family members and invited them over for parties. My ex-husband was extremely violent with both myself and our young children; a sexual predator- meaning he prefers homosexual relationships but needs to hide behind the window dressing of a heterosexual family. Shes the one choosing to avoid her family. I feel the exact same way as you do and I know that the way we feel is not unreasonable and that there are valid reasons for our feelings about this particular issue. The original post has several valid points. He has a huge family of his own and I wish hed just focus on them. I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, but his sister is still good friends with his ex. you have to walk away.. if you go to church, especially non denominational, you make new family. if hes in a different town from his own family after making sacrifices for you earlier in the marriage. Her husband is still talking to my ex against my wishes. Never did she say he was abusive. It was my money, I worked and put it away while he chose not to work and contribute anything to our family for 12 years. You need a new family. Instead of passively participating in it. I really am. Regardless, I would focus less on them and more on yourself, your children and rebuilding a healthy life for yourself. Uh. Their disloyalty has been breathtaking and I know that in some warped way they will all justify their behaviour. You just started dating. Try to learn how to accept. You were once a family and because you have children together and once shared a life together still makes you familly that will never change so you will have to get over it and accept thats its not about you or youre ex its about the children. My ex and so dont talk at all. You dont own your family, they do. I believe she said she did talk to a professional and thats what the PROFESSIONAL labeled them. His children dont know this person anymore. Even if its your family. Or perhaps envy is involved. Why? Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. I am not saying this is what your family is doing just sharing how I would feel if I were in your shoes. Dont you ever think on the weekend. I have come to the conclusion that he is a TRUE PREDATOR. Similarly, if your life was intertwined with your ex's family, then it's more likely that you can continue hanging out with their relatives. The bitterness seems to just grow and turns into something quite ugly. How you can not show any interest in your flesh and blood is beyond me but like you say you realise you are happier and healthier without these kind of relationships. I long for a family, it just my daughter and I. Fact is until he dies and even beyond he will always be family via the blood connection of your children. Im going through the exact same situation. They are toxic and unhealthy in my situation. At least for the sake of your kids. Going threw this right now. Also, thanks for helping me see that Im not alone either. If your boyfriend, for example, were best friends with his ex and she continued to be mean to you, that might be a battle worth fighting. I not only lost her, but her kids were like my own. I think thats insane and I wouldnt have it !? My ex was invited to my nieces wedding ten years later & I was not. This is because you are a triangulating narcissist that targets and exploits others via abuse by proxy because you are a weak, scared, angry little chicken that has no talent except for what you can leach off of others like a parasite because you are envious, jealous, and have a one-up as well as an inferiority complex. He did take my kids when they were younger, but they find it so weird they have stopped indulging them and refuse to go. I feel for her . I am sorry that you are being hurt this way. But such extreme violence and other behavior isnt so easy to forget. My Dad, Step Mum and siblings did the same to me. What a joke and your sister is a freaking joke ! My ex and I co-parent well but I just dont want to be around him. I just dont understand how they could choose to invite him over their own daughter. That was one of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. I have a bit of the opposite situation. Communicate that.Your needs matter too. Its been stress, drama, mentally, financially, legally, caused by her. I still dont feel the same about them how could you go along and not even talk to me. She says she is ok with that but you never know with teenagers. Let me explain when someone has been playing mind games for years and especially if you have grown up in a dysfunctional family you accept that abuse due to grooming/conditioning and low expectations and also because basically because youre a good person who doesnt think for a minute your partner has an agenda. Parents, in particular, tend to be good judges of character. Make sure you get along enough to try to do whats best for your kids" They said they wanted to remain impartial (which was bad enough) but then they spent hours sympathising with him, spoon fed him information that caused him to behave more abusively to me/the other side of my family and basically said I was exaggerating etc and that it was all in my head. easy to see the narcissist here. Again I feel like there is alot of missing info. 10 Simple Tips To Quickly Get His Attention Back, 15 Simple Tips To Overcome Relationship Anxiety Forever, The FWB Myth: Why Friends With Benefits Only Cause Women Pain, Is He Still In Love With His Ex? They didnt believe me even though I never told one lie whereas he just behaved like the complete victim and told lie after lie. The bottom line is, youre with their son now and therefore part of their lives too, so they should take on board what you have to say. What Went Wrong? Im a little suspicious that he has been running some sort of campaign and exploiting their good will towards him. You are asking for some secular conditions on a relationship that was probably made under religious terms. She was even telling people she was filing for divorce the last year we were together. The person we thought we knew as our son-in-law changed into an alcoholic, lying, manipulative, and narcissistic creep. The brother chooses to remain very close with the ex in ways that feel inappropriate, and vice versa. I have stopped working over 5 months ago since I started getting money from this money spell LORD SAN did for me. Although I have forgiven my self, my ex and my family and prayed to God to help me forgive and forget. Now I think about how much Ill miss, because Im only 50. You cannot accept the fact that your perceived value far exceeds your worth so you constantly have to prop up the false character you have created to fool everyone yet once again I remind you that I can see right through your masks. They are clueless. There are ways to stay in touch without hanging out frequently, and this might be a better arrangement if friendship with an ex's family upsets either your new partner or your ex. He started going around to every family who would listen Lying making his story mine and I had no idea until I got some strange comments and reactions from some of my family. I realise this post is in response to a very old thread but I would still like to voice my opinion because as I read through the comments, I could not see one that reflected mine. You want your family to take your husband in like a family member. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? All I could say was,.You and your kids do not understand divorce nor have you supported me through any of it. Its tough when your own family supports an person who financially and emotionally hurt me with no reason as to why this all happened. None of them are showing you any respect and that would make me very depressed as well. I think you should be happy that your children have the huge advantage of belonging to an extended family, and that they are allowed to keep their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides of the family. I wonder if I should invite my family for dinner to reconnect and have my brothers ex wife there. My adult daughter came in town with their children to visit when the day came they were visiting their father they took MY FATHER with them out for dinner & drinks. Hope things are better. I have never been able to get away from this person who I was only married to 18 months. Its your family who need to see a psychologist! Suck it up and go with the flow it cant be that bad. My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. I was clear if it was going to be divorce then she could take anything she wanted I never wanted to see her again. I wish my family knew how much hes hurt me and my kids over the years being absent my daughters entire life (until she turned 23!) I believe its the unhealthy family members that choose to have him in their life over me. Oh and if wanting to live a life with people who genuinely care about me and dont want me to live in fear makes me selfish then so be it!!!!! Im light and polite when I see their exes but nothing beyond that. I cant love my mom lime I wanted cause after everything my ex did to me I was the one who needed to be put in a hospital to get help, Im still here without any family and my ex has everything. You can suck it up and be an adult in the situation. Cut them all out of your life you dont need to be putting up with that crap xoxo. So, if you're in a similar situation, dont panic talk about it with your partner. The consensus of opinion here would suggest that this is the majority opinion. Oh well. I contacted him to help me bring my husband back and he asks me not to worry that the gods of his ancestors will fight for me. 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years.' I have to question why your family members are participating with him to hurt you like this. As the new. By the sound of it, your ex must not be a bad guy, I mean you are the only one who doesnt like him. At my daughters high school graduation my ex father-in-law tried to engage me in cordial conversation. He immediately started living with the girl he cheated with. Theresa were you ever in an abusive relationship?! Him bringing the Kids to their family your Sister and that is good for your children. This is my testimony about the marvelous work priest manuka did for me. I hear his ex talking sometimes. He tried to kill me and harmed our children. Even in university and growing up, If I broke up with a guy my friends would be expected not to keep ties with him and they would have to pick. Simple. You are not the only person here. My mother has outlived my father so everything was left to her, but my ex being named in that will was a complete slap in my face. He made it his life goal to take away all my friends and some family members. I too have had to deal with a similar situation. And adult feelings NEED to be put aside for the sake of the children Sometimes youll have to eat crow but for the health and well-being of the children, its sooo worth it . The issue isnt with you, it is with the family. I would be open to express your feelings to your family in a kind way, so it can help them to understand you being less involved. I couldn't wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. Just found this as I was doing my own research. The ex does not even have a bedroom set up for them in his home. She will volunteer it. She asked me to stop talking to my friends to avoid problems with her, I asked her to do the same with her ex, she claims that she talks to him because of her daughters, which are old enough to do the talking for themselves. He is one of 5 children and the only boy. Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my decision? they knew the extent of his violent temper and yet my parents who are against everything he was involved in, would visit him in jail. He hasn't yet introduced you to his family and friends 8. I would not be around my family either if they did that. Her ex is doing all this just to upset herand he is the one who walked out of their marriage one day and never came back! Most of all, I want you to truly accept that you are delusional. In court, it was obvious because he kept trying use their relationship against me in court! The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if its nothing to worry about. We both attend school conferences and events and make big decisions regarding the kids together. Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. I bet if you look through your own family that has supported your ex you will start to see similar traits xxx. Your sentiments match mine to a T! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Discover the 5 texting mistakes that scare men away (almost every woman makes 1 or more of them!). I was to say the least beyond belief as we were only married for 4 years and he had nothing when we marrried. A college graduation invitation was not mailed to me it was handed to me by my mother. But its been very weird lately with how his son been acting towards me. He has never been there for his own daughter . Thank god I have the love of a good man now. I am estranged from my family because of my ex wife. There is a point in time when your family needs to be supportive of you and your needs and recognize that having your ex at every function is hurtful. Personally, I think when you have had direct experience with someone with a diagnosed disorder that you are less likely to toss about these terms so recklessly. And no I never complained about my ex until I realised what a nasty person I had been living with all those years. Ive remarried my best friend and I count my blessing each and everyday. I realize its a few years old, however, its a common problem when the ex remains too close to former inlaws well after divorce. This happened on valentines day, I caught my husband with his ex wife at a dinner party in a restaurant in Cornwall, I cried home and almost hit a truck. They (and my kids) went and decorated my exs work for his birthday, etc., etc., etc. She likes the girl for whatever reasons, but I'd put down good money that she's not willing to lose her son for any length of time to keep the girl around. And its not giving you time to heal from the pain of divorce. He makes everyone think he is this wonderful guy who decided he wasnt happy being married and left abruptly and never looked back. Im now terminally ill and my ex is still trashing me to one of my kids. Ive also been taught that while you are allowed to be angry, you should not let it override you for too long. A divorce permanently ends a relationship, and no matter how much the sisters or parents may like the ex, they need to honor your decision. He told my dad to tell me to go to hell (which of course he didnt) he tried to turn my kids against me(which are not his kids, theyre mine from another marriage) he also turned my sister against me, which her and I use to be close. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. Dont let this work for then. He has held resentment against her for telling the judge she wants to stay with me. Yet I know its a form of punishment. I stay away from them Im going through something similar. Do I just give in and be miserable or choose to be happy and not go to family functions? Its where Im at now. I hope she gets help & realizes its not healthy what her family & ex are doing. How have you found peace through this. Her Family Still Wants Her To Be With Her Ex. No your not unreasonable! Its caused us not to have as close of a relationship with my nieces as we could have. It is so hurtful and so crazy that my own family, my own mother, would choose my ex over me. What's going on? My parents were much more understanding. Take care of yourself. Fights in YOUR corner . Just saying. You sound like you was in an abusive relationship. My relationship with my parents are much colder than they were, but I at least still talk with them because they only knew about my sister and didnt say anything. So to say if you are in the rigth or in the wrong is next to impossible to say becuse well its only your words and its mostly about your emotional well bining. Maybe the family has their reason for being distant. spot on exactly. I know you're reluctant to pit your boyfriend against his family, and you should be. Your post struck a chord with me because I too grew up thinking family was everything only to then be turned on by my own. And how he runs to her pic . I see this is the old post but I HOPE someone answers! We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. Boy, do I know how this feels! I suggest talking to a professional about it and trying to work through some of it. I fantasize about shooting her in the face sometimes. He poisoned the well and the entire family will have nothing to do with me. This is beyond cordial. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded . He sounds like a great person. This weekend I have been down to the area and my Dad wouldnt even meet up with me said he had to help my brother wallpaper! Everybody is friends in my family. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! Her SIL then posts family photos on social media of said vacation and similar events. Well Said Julie, thank you your words have helped reside in me. I honestly just want to be free from feeling unsupported, unloved, unbelieved, etc. NOT TRUE. This means that we may include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you. Omg, I am going through a similar situation. He doesnt take the kids to the dentist, doctor, for hair cuts or anything else they need beyond food. The only reason you have custody of your children is because youve spent your entire life psychologically manipulating and abusing others. S exactly! I had no choice but to come to this money temple where LORD SAN did a money ritual spell that has turned me to the richest woman in my family linage, I just bought another house for my first daughter as her marriage gift. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. Every Saturday John joins 9Honey exclusively to answer your questions on love and relationships. Nowadays, I dont even give it one thought. So if hes not willing to introduce you yet, it really means that hes not ready to replace her yet. I will pray that they either get back together- and soon! I am sure you love them as I did mine and because you would never make them feel bad or not be there for them you presume they will do the same but not everybody has the same heart or courage as you or your best interests in mind. They became good friends. Its not like hes stepping any boundaries. Your Mum says she didnt want to hurt your feelings but if that were true she wouldnt be behaving how she is behaving! I wouldnt do it to my loved ones. I would imagine this would be an uncomfortable situation? This is an old email thread but my ex left me and my baby who was 6months old at the time. I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. Hes a writer on relationships, love and social psychology. You are failing to understand that some people dont even want contact with children or use them as weapons. They all include him in holidays, excluded me and still continue to invite him, sometimes now me as well, but I do not join as the pain is so deep. Excellent point @ children needing as many people around them as possible! Everyone always thought my dad was a humble and caring man. He said he put stuff away and come to bed. I give you so much credit for thinking of your kids first. Blows my mind. I would be interested to know the background of your exes personality disorder and her upbringing with her family. I value these connections, as without them.. My kids would have no connection with their mothers side of the family.. or least parts of it. I am tired of being treated like dirt!!!! Thats something you need to understand, and I think youll realize it when you look at the situation yourself. OMGI thought I was the only one who had gone going thru this. when did you skip the part of your life where your suppose to learn how to deal with and tolerate people you dont like or get along with? Stand by what you feel. Put yourself in the drivers seat and start organizing things how you want them to be. The lingering presence of the said ex in their life can be the first clear indicator you need to watch out for.
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