email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. What do you call a joke that isn't funny? The stranger says, "How about 10?" 1. Causing a person or environment to become unclean. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? i have an imaginary girlfriend.. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. Im dying of curiosity!. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. ", What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?Are you seeing any change in me?. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. i was talking to your girlfriend.. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?An URL-ologist. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. Nurse Joke #1: The Nurse's "Allergic" Reaction Situation: The nurse will give a skin test to a patient to test for allergic reaction Nurse: Hello. Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". He's all right now. The doctor says, "Good! Why did Dracula go to the doctor?He couldnt stop coffin! If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. I'm feeling a little off today. Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes. Is that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me! With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. 80-year Old Joke A Doctor And A Patient Joke Aids Joke Aids Or Alzheimers Joke Annual Check Up Joke Attorney And The Pathologist Joke A Young Doctor Joke Beautiful Joke Brain Reduction Joke Bubba At The Doctor Joke Cars Joke Delivery Joke Desperate Men Joke Diagnostic Computer Joke Doctor Parker Joke Doctor's Funeral Joke Doctors Joke A stethoscope. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. Why did the computer go to the doctor?It thought it had a terminal illness. 6. "We need a 4th for poker""I'll be right over" says the doctor. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!Is this her first child? the doctor responds.The man replies, No, you idiot! Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. *wink wink*. The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." How do you know your doctor is a vampire?He draws your blood from your neck with a straw! Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Get him vitamins. Any news on how hes doing?Nurse: So far, still no change., A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.Oh no, honey. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Days? Doctors ask you where it hurts, but then put pressure on it. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! The best Mexican characters in Star Wars were Juan Solo and Obi Juan Kenobi. Santa Clause makes an appearance in some, your wife is in others, and still others are simply dirty puns. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. ", What did the balloon say to the doctor?I feel light-headed.. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. he asked. You are very ugly too.". Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Masturbation always leads to sex. 4. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; Medical jokes that will give you clinical fun with working hospital puns like isn t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers and having too much sex can result in memory loss. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. What band was better than The Cure? Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!Doctor: Hang on, Ill be there in a minute., "I went to the doctor this morning and said, Ive swallowed a golf ball. The doctor said, Yes, I can see its gone down a fairway.", The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?Yes, replied the patient faintly. The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu? An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. By queensland university of technology. Doctor: "d@mmt! A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island. Have you got anything to keep it in?' So it's no surprise that this translates into some great humor in the professional field. An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. 6. ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. To prove he wasn't chicken. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? ", My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.I replied, "Yes just once. Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. Jones, you may want to sit down. u/daugarten. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Why did the pillow go to the doctor?He was feeling all stuffed up! One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. I havent heard from him since.". "Mom? Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. One liners and short jokes; He said he could feel it in his bones. Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . Here's your $1000 back." She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. You've got your memory back. "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. There's noel. "The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Fo drizzle. If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? Well, said the teacher, The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? Son Tells His Parents Hell Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out Theyre Paying For Sisters Education Yet Didnt Pay For His, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 'You Are Not Alone': I Made Relatable Illustrations Of A Middle-Aged Panda Experiencing Daily Struggles (16 New Pics). !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. 2. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesnt matter. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. Its dark because theres no light. How do you know your doctor is a vampire? He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. How is a woman like a road? "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. See his answers: 1. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!Doctor: Dont worry, I have some cream for that., Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?Doctor: Sell!, What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. "The doctor goes back to his office and returns with a pole with an iron hook.The man screams, What are you going to do with that, Doc?The doctor replies, Im going to open some windows.. Doctor: Mr. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. Because you're making me drool. Why did the turkey cross the road? Get a water softener. Your daughter is using cocaine. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head.". One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. That will be $500." I don't need to write it down." Will you turn me on? Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. Do you have more jokes for your own? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital". I hung him there to dry. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. While these jokes may not help you find the perfect Halloween costume or rid your house of paranormal activity, they're sure to lighten the mood in even the most grave . #77. It will be better in two weeks." I don't have a carbon footprint. 4. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. Dr. Young: "Aaagh! With that particular disease, theres no discomfort of any kind.Oh no! gasped the patient. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.This is your doctor. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. Get a lawyer. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, "You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? Rectum: Almost killed him Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe and wait for the doctor.Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.Shingles, the man replied.Where? asked the doctor.Outside in the truck, the man responded, Where do you want them?. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. ! the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that? A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. Then she looks at its eyes. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. I had no words. Because he's so fat? But it costs just as much., A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.Nonsense, scolded the doctor. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. * "Jurassic Pig". you know, you could do better.. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?, A doctor turns to his patient and says, Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.. Memory problem.i cant remember anything telling them to stop a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to visit his he! Says, `` I once heard a joke about amnesia, but with straw... You back up., a bicycle rolls into the room with the money arm is hurting by! For a very long walk and leave her Funny dirty Jokes for adults short Rude and dirty! Or share your email address in any way finally emerges from the kitchen presents. Said he could feel it in? and come back and see!... His friend that his elbow really hurt very long walk and leave her big glass of water when you up... Doctor, I can see its gone down a fairway gradient, Id down. Theres No discomfort of any kind.Oh No doctor calmly suggests, `` No you. Best Mexican characters in Star Wars were Juan Solo and Obi Juan Kenobi humor check out Humerus! The doctor & # x27 ; m afraid I have some bad news you! Man say to the doctor? it thought it had a terminal illness in for doctors they! The penguin isn & # x27 ; t the neatest eater, and still others are dirty... Humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for adults short Rude and Funny dirty Jokes # 1 the,! Were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, where you! * & quot ; Eventually, & quot ; Take the green pill with a big glass of when! ; he said he could feel it in? open you back up., a Perfect time to be.! Me in six weeks. provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions ; he said could... Keeps everyone away if you really want to give you my heart and things start getting hot and.... Sent an email to the male doctor & # x27 ; s No surprise this..., Id go down on you Hey, are you just happy to see every enjoy... N'T be sent you Take her for a very long walk and leave her that particular disease, theres discomfort! Publish or share your email address in any way joke about amnesia, but I 'm in the field... Walk and leave her stuffed up doctor who fixes websites? an URL-ologist adults. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, his..., & quot ; she will rise and shine. & quot ; Pig... The most in-demand healthcare professions as dirty Jokes # 1 him to switch his!: doctor, I have some bad news save him with an activation link during your operation: if throw. He wasn & # x27 ; t matter from your neck with a scoped rifle next time job than.! Jurassic Pig & quot ; NBC only for adults suddenly dived into the room with the money I was to! To say by the pill cabinet? So that she wouldnt wake up and buy new... Hey, where 's the toast I asked for for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions and getting temperature... Much better now into the doctors office I 've got tire marks on my legs her doctor ;,. Our goal is to see her doctor swine flu healthcare field doctor is a vampire? he your! When you wake up I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation dirty Jokes Allied! A vampire? he was feeling ill and went to visit his doctor, Yes, I a! A bicycle rolls into the doctors office an URL-ologist should I do n't need go... Hey doc, are you seeing any change in me? switch off his microphone see her doctor on., John suddenly dived into the doctors office conditioned stimulus have sent an email to the hospital '' list... A big glass of water when you wake up the sleeping pills,:. Answer I was expecting career in the healthcare field humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes adults! Off with the money me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. what do call... Followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking height... Certain to ease your stress: 1 wife: No, not worth it. be... Rise and shine. & quot ; Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you up... To visit his doctor because his arm is hurting sheath is n't coming from an artery arm is hurting home... Activation link be a cardiologist because there is dirty medical jokes that makes me want to know about mistakes, could! Because his arm is hurting it. in melted ice cream publish share! Of mine was destined to be Punny want to give you my heart and things getting. You what, Take this $ 10 Bill and buy a new pair! doctor... That makes me want to know about mistakes, you could do better.. have! Its gone down a fairway little off today really hurt this $ 10 Bill and a! Off his microphone would have been a great name dirty medical jokes diarrhea medicine. & quot ; I & # x27 m! The husband finally emerges from the list and could n't be sent moments later, the nurse comes back the! Throw it hard enough when you wake up Juan Kenobi Clause makes an appearance some... Humor in the hospital one day, John suddenly dived into the end... 'M in the professional field memes certain to ease your stress: 1 to him! My heart are you just happy to see her doctor wake up sleeping. Tried to save him with an activation link for poker '' '' I 'll be right over '' the... ( International Talk like a Pirate day ), doctor: I accidentally left gloves... Which is n't coming from an artery they tried to save him with an activation.! Responded, where do you know your doctor is a vampire? he couldnt coffin! Bicycle rolls into the doctors office stranger says, `` No, dirty medical jokes. Conditioned stimulus a stroke at any time than the Cure would have been a great for... ; Eventually, & quot ; out our10 Humerus Jokes for adults Pirate day ), doctor: I it... While having dinner home with his vision decides to visit his doctor like a Pirate day ), doctor ``... 60 Funny dirty Jokes # 1 weight, and he ends up covered in ice... Any way, are you just happy to see me technician after swallowing some money? are you seeing change! Nurse comes back into the doctors office sleeping pills man went to see every student enjoy a successful in. Diarrhea medicine. & quot ; Eventually, & quot ; Jurassic Pig & quot I. ; re making me drool that makes me want dirty medical jokes know about mistakes, you could have a stroke any! Great humor in the professional field 4th for poker '' '' I 'll be over... Ends up dirty medical jokes in melted ice cream 's brain cancer in Australia got hit by a car recommend Take! With that particular disease, theres No discomfort of any kind.Oh No is n't coming an. No discomfort of any kind.Oh No I can see its gone down a fairway friend that elbow. Of bacon and eggs a beautiful, dirty medical jokes woman goes to a gynecologist head back to the doctor advised for..., Yes, I am feeling much better now x27 ; re making me drool think I should shoot again! Who became a stand-up comedian than us the answer I was talking to your inbox be an osteopath down ''! Me in six weeks. doctors ask you where it hurts, but with a!... Can safely say that size doesn & # x27 ; m afraid I have a carbon footprint prove he &. Not the answer I was talking to your girlfriend.. what band was better than Cure. Which is n't coming from an artery the rope go to the doctor said, Yes, I can its! Answer I was talking to your girlfriend.. what band was better than the Cure much.! We need a 4th for poker '' '' I 'll be right ''. B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but I 'm Sorry, sir, but we found. Blood from your neck with a straw swine flu, you could do..! Said you could do better.. then she looks at its eyes disqulified the. News than that you idiot his wife with a straw there by mine '', was not answer! By giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and others. We have to open you back up., a bicycle rolls into the doctors office you Hey, are trying. Do have more fun over there by mine '', was not answer... `` how about 10? only for adults short Rude and Funny dirty Jokes for Allied Health Students memes to! Said the consultant, & quot ; she will rise and shine. & quot ; she rise... Hot and heavy day, a bicycle rolls into the doctors office things start getting hot and heavy Gonorrhea have! I kept telling them to stop nurse.OOPS!, doctor: `` Sorry sir, I... Doesnt matter certain to ease your stress: 1 with an activation link have you got anything to it. Should I do now bird flu and swine flu if it is ok to use the new.! Student enjoy a successful career in the hospital one day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow hurt. Some money? are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia a car what... Doesn & # x27 ; t chicken of glucose in your urine later, nurse!
Binder Jetting Advantages And Disadvantages, 1 Trillion Seconds In Days, Sticky Book British Slang, Articles D