Who are they to judge masculinity? You're family doesn't know the definition of "prank". Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. He could press charges for that. NTA. My friends and I, all Afab and babyfaced enough to look like we were 18-25 once got asked what was holding up the car in a concerned tone while we were trying to change a tire. NTA - They tried to kill your fiance. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Next time they try to manipulate you into downplaying their behavior by holding their respect for Tim at ransom, tell them they will lose your respect and see how much they care about it, my guess is they won't. I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. Your family members' actions (all of them, not just the inhaler stuff) are idiotic, unwarranted, and demeaning. Vandalisim at the very least? Yep. Because it sure as hell isn't Earth. I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Therapy can help too. NTA. NTA but uninviting them to the wedding is the bare minimum response. Mom's an asshole too for joining them instead of condemning this absolutely unacceptable treatment. These aren't "tests", this is your family being major fucking AHs. Right? Some people live paycheck to paycheck and this could break them. Holy fuck, your family is composed of toxic idiots. NTA your family aren't trying to bond with your fiance. shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but i could be overreacting. First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. They are treating him like garbage. AITA for not wanting my stepdad at my college graduation? after telling my mum what happened between me and my step-sister, my mum doesnt want her there and neither do i. neither does my step-dad, either. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. Right now, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Asthmatic here. This is hazing, and it could have turned deadly. This was cruel. They all seem to think you wood be more concerned about what they think of your fianc than what he thinks of them. At the time I commented, pretty much everyone was saying NTA. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. NTA Sorry, you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. NTA. Keep them away from your wedding. What will they do next, cut his brake lines? Slashing his tires? Good on you OP for leaving this toxic FOG and stand your ground. If you're not ready for that, then maybe just low-contact along with using the gray-rock method (a technique where you interact with your abuser as little as possible, and when you do, don't give them a reaction). Do not invite them back! ESH except your fianc. He said that he didn't reply but later I got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying I was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, I told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me I'd have everyone there. I'd not want them anywhere near me. I suggest you tell them that you understand that they're intimidated by someone with a real education and who idea of fun isn't dumb jock humour but that you moved beyond such immature behaviour and they're out of your life until they apologise to TIM and if they ever "prank" him again they out forever. Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property. You should have cut them out ages ago, if my partner's family had treated me like that I'd given them the finger and said "Nah I ain't marrying anyone who cant stand up for me", trust me when I say that "doormat" would have been the softest of my insults. It's yours. Your username is literally what you should be doing. Definitely NTA!! Time to tell dad that people find him to be a thug and a criminal and don't respect him because he treats people badly. Read this before contacting the mod team. "Garage" or "Auto Shop" work well too, but can be a bit ambiguous depending on context, as garage also means where you park your car in North America, whether it's at your house or the larger undergroud lots. Hiding an inhaler can cause DEATH. Which would your husband prefer, an hour at the doctor or a lifetime in adult diapers? Stand your ground and move on with your life. Even bullying seems like too light of a word. slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys. They literally could have killed him. Yeah, if that's the childish game they've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some testing back. "AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?". Why were you even associating with them?! And really if they do anything else criminal Id consider reporting them. Hes already living in fear but so far has decided his love for you is worth it, but how far can that stretch? I cant believe how many people are saying NTA. They will seek out and tell a woman and will hope that woman will intercede on their behalf with a male boss/authority figure/doctor, but they will avoid going to the male authority figure themselves even when death is on the line. I loved my dad and was happy that he was happy though. They are just immature jerks. You dont need any of them in your life. What if he had an asthma attack and couldn't breathe because he couldn't find his inhaler? Cut ties with them and get them to pay for damages. Slashing tires isnt a prank, its criminal mischief. So you definitely made the right decision. If anyone treated my husband like that I'd never speak to them again. Prank them back by telling them they can come to the wedding and then deny them entry at the door. Block them back so you don't have to wonder if they'll show up again with more of their bs. I grew up in a sorta fucked up family. anything that involves irreparable destruction of property cannot be called a prank. There was nothing boarderline about this it was harassment and they endangered his life on purpose. O no someone went to post secondary education. Bottom line, it's your mom's party and she decides who she wants there. Yeah they sound toxic as hell. I'm on the hope the stepdad pulls his money out of her wedding train too. And at some point your family are going to crack your relationship with your fiance right through, because contact is always going to feel to him that you're condoning it and secretly agreeing. NTA. "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either. NTA, I have asthma and that's no joke. Am I crazy or is OPs bf a saint for putting up with this for so long? Has still he come backOK I am calling the police..God I hope nothing has happened to him.. If they can't see this then they're sick in the head! Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. Everyone thinks it's some made up thing just used as an excuse to get out of things. He stole my moms car a few times and stole from me. NTA. Um, hey. fast forward to yesterday, she messages me telling me to sell the tickets because she got better seats. You are NTA for sticking up for your fiance, but you will be if you let them into your wedding and don't go low/no contact. NTA. Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. Stay away from them forever. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. NTA- tell your Dad you have 0 respect for him and if he needs to bully someone to feel like a real man he needs to realise what a small man he really is. Was your dad expecting that you "uninvite" your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you invited him? NTA, they literally could have put his life at risk over a stupid prank. NTA. NTA ! Whaaaat?! That true men dont behave like that only insecure little ones who dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. tell your bf to call the cops and get them arrested for the tire slashing. How do you fix slashed tires? Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. All I can picture is a future child being pranked like this. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. It took until they actually endangered his life for her to tell her idiot relatives to stop torturing the man she allegedly loves? That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it. Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. Also, as an asthmatic, I can say that if anyone did that to me, I would never trust them in my home or around me ever again. tell him that its not his fault , he probably feels that its his fault but you need to assure him that its not his fault that these members of your family are just a bunch of idiotic stupid close minded people. NTA. Tires aren't free. You dont let bygones be bygones when someone knowingly puts another persons life at risk. i cant imagine she stayed silent after the tire slashing incident, but these guys dont seem like the type of men to give up their antics so easily. and harmful. I mean, they sound basically awful (and essentially bullies) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish' to 'sociopathic'. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and have much higher rates of completing suicide. I read her family slashed his tires and I was thinking this man is a saint for continuing to try with this family. These are stupid and potentially life-threatening. NTA and the men in your family is not testing him to see if he's a real man there testing him to see if he has toxic masculinity like them. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. You gotta step up for your man, yourself, and your future children because no way this stops at the wedding. She has a shitty family and needs to go to therapy to unlearn the unhealthy dynamic she grew up in. Can't people with asthma die from an asthma attack? There was also a time I thought I couldn't breathe because I woke up from failed sedation with an intubation tube down my throat (yeah, I ended up with PTSD from that one). They made their living off the land and were proud of that. Hiding an inhaler? evetytime anyone reaches out to beg op to re-invite them, I'd send them a new article about someone who died/almost died because of a lack of an inhaler. They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. Did they pay for those tires? "However, I figured I . They never should have been in a position to keep going. Abuse. Who slashed tyres as a prank? Stand your ground and protect your fianc. They went way too far. They are absolutely brilliant in other ways and some of the kindest people I know. NTA theyre bullying your fianc, the level of toxic masculinity is insane and I feel some insecurities about him being a college kid. A part of me wants you to send that guy flowers with a card that says "Sorry for your loss." He passed away. Would these men abuse him for being too soft? Agreed. I f22 grew up in a family where men prank and tease each others. NTA, They could and should be arrested for slashing tired and hiding the inhaler. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. These men are absolute Neanderthals! I have a sister 18f that got married to her highschool sweetheart. YTA for allowing it to get this far. Hey, OP - imagine your wedding reception. Cut them all out. Not a prank. To be fair, it is quite likely that they have bullied her for her entire life too. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. Those family members suck. It's theft. Wtf did I even just read. I have to give him props but at least he realized it was going too far. NTA, but your fiance deserves a better woman. It's not funny, it's messed up. Your family is criminally dangerous. He'd still be here if his thinking wouldn't have been "I'm not going to the doctor, they just find things wrong with you." Do not compromise on this, theyre irredeemable assholes. NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fianc on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasnt the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. They committed destruction of property at the very least. Nta. for months. Wtf ! And if my husband had asthma dad would lower his expectations, not attempt murder. Must be tire then! I could definitely see these assholes trying to cover something like that up. Dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do this is! Goes against both this sub 's rules as well as Reddit 's terms of agreement any of,... Expecting that you `` uninvite '' your step dad from your graduation, or hurling. To a point of endangering his mental and physical health? `` if my husband like only... 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